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Posted April 27, 2005 


Trina Craig
Sagle, ID

April 12, 2005

I sit and write this, not knowing exactly why I am writing. Three weeks ago life as my family knows it was blasted from our reality and we now find ourselves in some sort of surreal daze. Thoughts and memories flood my mind, as they are all we have left of the once happy, and dare I say perfect little life we led. I met my husband 10 years or so ago, that first night we talked about his job-CEDU. I was in awe of the work he did. Sitting there for hours as this normally quite reserved man pontificated on the children and the program. We eventually became friends, fell in love and started raising babies- chasing this American dream. CEDU has literally been a part of our entire life together. He was a dedicated employee, rarely missing work, as his build up of “vacation time” would show. Many times I sat in the hospital alone while he ran up to check on the kids at work. I used to complain I was a “CEDU widow”, and yet at the same time was so very proud of the dedication he showed to his chosen career. Our circle of friends all stemmed from relationships build up there on the hill, even on his off hours it was always “shop talk”. We always said we should have a big get together-we just never knew it would be in the unemployment line.

My husband’s picture was featured on the Saturday Daily Bee paper with the heading “CEDU employees working to rebuild lives”. Okay so how do we rebuild a life? The financial ramifications make any sort of building nearly impossible. It has now been about 6 weeks since we have received income of any kind. Like so many others in North Idaho, we live paycheck to paycheck, only for us, payday never came. Months ago I thought I was being quite proficient and set up many of our bills to automatically be deducted from our checking account. I wish now I hadn’t. They came out, a paycheck didn’t go in. What little savings we had was eaten up by overdraft charges and payments I was unable to stop. All of our emergency resources instantly dried up. Our daughter went with out a new Easter dress; no basket full of goodies- a few token items from the dollar store was all she received from us. We are however blessed with family in the area, and though I complain, we have had grandmothers to help us provide what we need for our daughter. I carry our son in my belly. We had waited to try for another baby until life was stable. My husband had been promoted, was making an excellent salary and the time seemed right. Now, no health insurance, no income, no food in the cupboards and a rising stack of unpaid bills piling on the counter -I am 6 months pregnant. The mortgage we struggled with is falling increasingly behind and I know one of the unopened letters in that stack of bills is threatening foreclosure on our home. We listed the home and land- land that has been in my husbands family for nearly 100 years, land his father was born on -yesterday with a local realtor. We have tried to sell our hunting rifles, a ‘for sale’ sign sits in our truck window. Not even our dogs are safe, I have a sign nailed to the post by the road “Pomeranian pup for sale” We are doing whatever we can to get by, and we will,..somehow.

What CEDU did not take from us is our spirit. Many times my husband counseled the children not to allow them selves to be succumb to the “victim mentality”. We may be victims of circumstance, but we are not victims. We literally have nothing but choices left. We can sit and be disgruntled, angry, depressed or we can as my mother so often said as I was growing up, “buck up”. Buck up we will. We have come to rely more on God, and less on ourselves. We have given up trying to understand the ”why this happened “ as the bible tells us to “lean not on our own understanding”. We have little clips of verses and sayings we repeat- trying to bring ourselves some respite when the pressure seems to be taking over. We feel the tension mounting and begin to take it out on each other, then stop, we can and will not let this destroy us.

I leave with this silly phrase of encouragement and hope for the 500 or so out there like us, “one door opens and another will open”. I am sure, like us, you have heard that till you are ready to scream. It will open though and as this chapter of our lives close, we can all begin a new one, and maybe even a whole new book. Good luck and God bless my friends!

Trina Craig
Sagle ID (for now-tomorrow who knows)

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