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CEDU
Trina Craig
Sagle, ID
gofish@nidaho.net
April 12, 2005
I sit and write this, not knowing exactly why I am writing.
Three weeks ago life as my family knows it was blasted from
our reality and we now find ourselves in some sort of surreal
daze. Thoughts and memories flood my mind, as they are all
we have left of the once happy, and dare I say perfect little
life we led. I met my husband 10 years or so ago, that first
night we talked about his job-CEDU. I was in awe of the work
he did. Sitting there for hours as this normally quite reserved
man pontificated on the children and the program. We eventually
became friends, fell in love and started raising babies- chasing
this American dream. CEDU has literally been a part of our
entire life together. He was a dedicated employee, rarely
missing work, as his build up of “vacation time” would show.
Many times I sat in the hospital alone while he ran up to
check on the kids at work. I used to complain I was a “CEDU
widow”, and yet at the same time was so very proud of the
dedication he showed to his chosen career. Our circle of friends
all stemmed from relationships build up there on the hill,
even on his off hours it was always “shop talk”. We always
said we should have a big get together-we just never knew
it would be in the unemployment line.
My husband’s picture was featured on the Saturday Daily Bee
paper with the heading “CEDU employees working to rebuild
lives”. Okay so how do we rebuild a life? The financial ramifications
make any sort of building nearly impossible. It has now been
about 6 weeks since we have received income of any kind. Like
so many others in North Idaho, we live paycheck to paycheck,
only for us, payday never came. Months ago I thought I was
being quite proficient and set up many of our bills to automatically
be deducted from our checking account. I wish now I hadn’t.
They came out, a paycheck didn’t go in. What little savings
we had was eaten up by overdraft charges and payments I was
unable to stop. All of our emergency resources instantly dried
up. Our daughter went with out a new Easter dress; no basket
full of goodies- a few token items from the dollar store was
all she received from us. We are however blessed with family
in the area, and though I complain, we have had grandmothers
to help us provide what we need for our daughter. I carry
our son in my belly. We had waited to try for another baby
until life was stable. My husband had been promoted, was making
an excellent salary and the time seemed right. Now, no health
insurance, no income, no food in the cupboards and a rising
stack of unpaid bills piling on the counter -I am 6 months
pregnant. The mortgage we struggled with is falling increasingly
behind and I know one of the unopened letters in that stack
of bills is threatening foreclosure on our home. We listed
the home and land- land that has been in my husbands family
for nearly 100 years, land his father was born on -yesterday
with a local realtor. We have tried to sell our hunting rifles,
a ‘for sale’ sign sits in our truck window. Not even our dogs
are safe, I have a sign nailed to the post by the road “Pomeranian
pup for sale” We are doing whatever we can to get by, and
we will,..somehow.
What CEDU did not take from us is our spirit. Many times
my husband counseled the children not to allow them selves
to be succumb to the “victim mentality”. We may be victims
of circumstance, but we are not victims. We literally have
nothing but choices left. We can sit and be disgruntled, angry,
depressed or we can as my mother so often said as I was growing
up, “buck up”. Buck up we will. We have come to rely more
on God, and less on ourselves. We have given up trying to
understand the ”why this happened “ as the bible tells us
to “lean not on our own understanding”. We have little clips
of verses and sayings we repeat- trying to bring ourselves
some respite when the pressure seems to be taking over. We
feel the tension mounting and begin to take it out on each
other, then stop, we can and will not let this destroy us.
I leave with this silly phrase of encouragement and hope
for the 500 or so out there like us, “one door opens and another
will open”. I am sure, like us, you have heard that till you
are ready to scream. It will open though and as this chapter
of our lives close, we can all begin a new one, and maybe
even a whole new book. Good luck and God bless my friends!
Trina Craig
Sagle ID (for now-tomorrow who knows)
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