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Alldredge Academy
Rich and Kathy McKinless
Virginia
703-241-4941
June
2003
To Parents/Guardians Considering Alldredge Academy: We are a family who experienced much of what you may be going through
right now. Beginning in his middle school years, we began to lose
connection with our oldest son. Some of that is of course to be expected,
but we saw behaviors that gave us genuine concern: inattention to
school work, experimenting with alcohol, then marijuana, and finally
trouble with the law for vandalism and other “pranks”.
This was the oldest of our four children and, therefore, our first
teen. We thought we were doing the right things—setting boundaries,
giving consequences, but still showing our love as best we knew how.
It only got worse for the next two years, as our son began high school:
Skipping school, failing classes, “hanging” with the wrong peers,
continued substance abuse, and then several car accidents once he
had a license.
For us the last straw was a car accident that could have caused
very serious injuries to others—thankfully that was avoided. We knew
we were losing our son—and the risk was clear that we could lose
him forever. Our only lifeline at that point was an exceptional counselor
whom our son had seen for some time—and who helped us find Alldredge
Academy.
Fortunately, our son also knew he was now on a path of self-destruction.
He had reached a point where even he wanted change in his life, and
was willing to admit he didn’t completely know how to go about it.
We know not every struggling teen reaches a point where they can
admit this to themselves, let alone others.
Our son’s counselor suggested we consider wilderness programs around
the country as an option. There are many, and quite a few have track
records of success. The best ones are very expensive, and therefore
not an easy choice for most families.
We investigated several programs, and after taking the time to visit
West Virginia and speak to the staff personally, we committed our
son to Alldredge Academy for three months. This was a wrenching decision—turning
your child over to near strangers, and hoping for the best. We prayed
long and hard about what to do, but believed the people we met at
Alldredge were committed to treat every child put into their care
as an individual. We also saw in the staff an ability to connect
with young people at a spiritual level that was, well, remarkable.
This is not a religious program by any means, but it does teach values—and
does so by putting teens in situations where they experience how
relying on yourself, trusting others, setting personal goals, accepting
your limitations, and sacrificing, all contribute to a meaningful
life. The fact that our child learned many of these lessons—and most
importantly true self-respect—in a matter of a few months seemed
to us nothing short of miraculous.
There is something we learned as parents when we gave our son over
to the staff at Alldredge. Broken relationships between teens and
their parents are usually broken at both ends. It’s not just them.
Many wilderness programs have a family component, and at Alldredge
it was absolutely critical to the success our family experienced.
Put simply, WE AS PARENTS learned that we needed to change just as
much as our son did. This was a bit of a revelation for us, to say
the least.
Our means of communication with our children before Alldredge—all
of them—generally did not reflect that we valued their points of
view. Like many parents, we communicated with our children as if
our vast life experience should be rationally accepted as the “trump
card” for any issue when conflict arose.
The parent program at Alldredge--which included our younger children
too--was instrumental in teaching us how to be more constructive
in our communications. We still are working at it, hope to still
get better, but we understand that pretending (or worse, believing)
we “know it all” in every situation does not help our child, or our
family.
Since leaving Alldredge nearly two years ago (he earned his high
school degree before leaving), our son has held down a job, moved
out, and earned college credits at the community college. This month
he was admitted to his first choice of four-year colleges, and will
be moving to Ohio in two months to take this next big step. Even
more important, we have our son back. No matter where he chooses
to live, he is a part of our family again-- and we are all thrilled
to see it. He is choosing with whom to spend his time thoughtfully,
and makes decisions based on what makes sense for his future, not
for whom he might impress today.
We do not believe this story would have happened without Alldredge
Academy. We of course believe we have a very special son, and our
experience won’t necessarily be yours. Ultimately he had to make
some very different choices. Alldredge helped give our son the tools
to do so.
If you are losing hope, or close to it, and do not know where to
turn for your son or daughter, visit Alldredge Academy. It could
change not only your child’s life, but yours too! |
