August 11, 2014
Often considered a 'taboo' subject back when we were kids growing up, today's guest on LATALKRadio.com, Parent Choices for Struggling Teens, Mary Romero, the author of "The Breakdown of an All-American Family" shared intimate details of her life growing up in an abusive household, both the victim of abuse and observer of her mother's abuse. "There are children out there right now who have it worse. Children who are struggling with this in their homes now. This autobiography has been a lifetime process for me, of having to deal with my personal issues, and it was my own children (when they were older) who heard parts of my story and encouraged me to write it." Physical abuse, verbal and emotional abuse to a child shows up in many different ways: a child will not say anything to anyone, since all feelings of trust are lost. There is a change in their behavior and they are very watchful of their surroundings. For those children being verbally abused, this abuse is done on a consistent basis, the feelings of being degraded or humiliated…done consistently is abusive and hurtful. And often a child will have attachment and detachment issues in their life as they get older. They will not attach to anyone…and they have built the walls around themselves so high, that no one can get in.
Domestic abuse is highly damaging to a child as abuse is. When a child sees domestic violence, between their parents they are afraid and they don't know what to do. "For me, shared Mary, I held it in. I was small and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I would talk to my other siblings about it and they would say "it is not our business, Dad does it all the time." Children are often threatened to not say anything to anyone about the abuse or what goes on at home. "There is a real sense of powerlessness and danger when that happens. As a child, you learn real fast to keep your mouth shut, because if you don't, the abuse will get worse! And families are seeing way more now, family members shooting other family members. Children are getting 'lifetime scars' from this and these children of abusive parents will or are going to be abused and they will continue with the abuse because that is what they were taught. Children grow up untrusting or trust no one, therefore making it difficult in keeping or even getting relationships. The 'fight or flight' mode for these kids stays in them and this high level of stress will take a toll on the person, be it adult or child. For some people, they can't connect with life…they can't work, can't have a relationship, get married, have kids or friends.
"My life in an abusive home helps me recognize it in other kids and in adults who don't recognize it in themselves. Writing this book helped me and it felt as an enormous weight was lifted off my shoulders" Mary shared. Some of my siblings are upset about the book that it is out in the open. They want to pretend it never happened and want it to all go away. "We remember things as a child, as a child and we remember things completely different. Some of my siblings helped with the book and my mother too, supported the project. "I blamed her for staying in the relationship, and I was a bitter teen and took my aggressions out on people that didn't deserve it. An apology goes along way…but, when there is no responsibility taken, then no, that is where I draw the line."
"Children need a sense of safety…a child has to have a safe person to talk to, to tell what is going on at home, to them, to their parent. All children must be treated with love and dignity. A parent's responsibility to their child or children is zero tolerance. No abuse, no threats, no hitting, no verbal abuse and no emotional abuse. You are there to protect your child…reach out and get help. There are groups, organizations and people who are there to help."
To listen to the full interview go to
The Breakdown of an All-American Family on LATalkRadio.
Also available in Podcast
Lon Woodbury is the owner/founder of Woodbury Reports, Inc. and
www.strugglingteens.com. He has worked with families and struggling teens since 1984 and is the host of Parent Choices for Struggling Teens and The Woodbury Reports.
Mary Romero is an active Life Coach and the author of "The Breakdown of an All American Family: an autobiography of child abuse, domestic violence and recovery." Mary specializes in conflict resolution, juvenile/adult relationships and teaching her clients how to live in the here and now. Mary holds an AAS in Human Services and Police Science, a CSC for Substance Abuse Assistance, a CSC in Administration of Justice and is trained in Dialectical Behavior therapy.
How to Be Noticed! We are looking for guests and sponsors for our Internet Talk Radio shows. Give a listen on Monday noon PT on LATalkRadio.com and Tuesday noon PT on K4HD.com. Our reach to listeners, in addition to the traffic to strugglingteens.com, include podcast listings on LATalkRadio.com, iTunes, Stitcher Radio and iHeart Radio Network. If you know somebody (including yourself) who would make a good guest on our show and might be interested contact Lon at,
lonwoodbury@gmail.com or call, 208-267-5550.
We are excited to announce that we have several openings for on-air sponsorship during The Woodbury Report shows on K4HD.com Tuesdays, and on our other radio show on Mondays, LATalkRadio.com Parent Choices for Struggling Teens. If you are interested in reserving some air time to promote your school, program or services, contact Kristie Campbell at
kristie@woodbury.com or 208-267-5550 or Lon at 208-267-7717.
Attention:
The following books are available on Amazon.com:
Part 1 ,
The Introduction to the Parent Empowerment Handbook
Part 2 ,
Single Sex Schools
Part 3 ,
Wilderness Therapy and Outdoor Education
Part 4 ,
Pre-Teens & Young Adults