Woodbury Reports, Inc.
Bonners Ferry, ID

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How Do You Attach to Your Young Adult Child?

Nikki Preece Executive Director
and Kevin Randall Clinical Director
of Fulshear Transitions
Discuss Adult Attachment and Co-regulation
on The Woodbury Report
February 10, 2015

Today's guests on The Woodbury Report on K4HD.com with Lon Woodbury included: Nikki Preece, Executive Director for Fulshear Transitions and their Clinical Director, Kevin Randall who discussed the attachment model for treatment they have created at their program for young women. Recognizing that attachment issues are one of the main components in adult treatment, Nikki and Kevin explained through extensive research by Mario Mikulincer, PhD and Phillip Shaver, PhD in their book- Attachment in Adulthood: Structure, Dynamics and Change, Fulshear Transitions was able to put that research into practical application.

"We are biologically wired to connect with other people. It impacts our relationships throughout our whole lives" shared Nikki. Often we find that teens and young adults struggle with attachments and will do whatever they can to connect to someone. Kids seek it out to get their needs met and if a child is taught that there is not a secure person in their lives, they will try to protect themselves and take care of themselves- feeling there is no one to trust. Somehow as a child, these teens and young adults did not connect…either by trauma, unpredictable care giving, and insecurity or by an abusive relationship, which created a lack of trust or lack of "confidence" and the child therefore has to use crisis or chaos to get their needs met. "We have found that in working with the young women at our program, many have been in therapy since the age of 10 yrs. old, have been diagnosed with so many disorders and we are seeing that early on, they suffered attachment disorder. "Rather than focusing on the negative behaviors, we need to look at the positives- what brings them joy, or as we call "their core meaning"."

This is not an individual issue, it is a family issue. Co-regulation means that we can't do this on our own. The solution has to be with someone else…everyone needs help. At this point, the parents are the primary attachment figures and therefore they need to have self-regulation (or simply put, they need to get their act together), and parents can experience PTSD from the traumas with their daughters and may need therapy also…but they can re-connect with their children. When their child is struggling, Kevin and Nikki have some key advice for parents: be curious in their lives, look at this as an opportunity for growth, match the intensity of the child's needs, use empathy and recognize where they are coming from, remain neutral- hear them out, acceptance and being non-judgmental, accept who they are, be more of a consultant- you don't have to have the answers…90% of your communication should be in a question form and 10% in a telling form and kindness…to yourself, your spouse and child. You are doing the best you can… be gently with yourself.

To contact
Nikki Preece or Kevin Randall
888-317-9229
www.fulsheartransition.com


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