| From Strugglingteens.com Essays A Cornerstone of Recovery from Eating Disorders and Other Mental and Emotional Illness This essay originally appeared in the Center For Change newsletter. There are few things more painful than feeling worthless or “not good enough,” minute by minute, day by day, and year by year. I know because I have felt that way myself, much of the time during the first half of my 60 years. Additionally, I have provided counsel and treatment to many hundreds of individuals who have felt similar feelings over the past 30 years as a clinician. To those individuals, their beliefs went well beyond emotion. In fact, many of them felt that they knew “beyond any doubt” that they were as worthless as they felt. How painful it is to live in that place, and yet how wonderful it is that there is hope for every one of us – that we can improve our sense of self, even to the absolute knowledge that we are wonderful beyond anything that words can express. It is this gradual but growing understanding that can increase motivation to change. You, and I are worth the effort it takes to transcend illness and create a recovered life. Why is it that we medical and mental health professionals dedicate our lives to helping those suffering from illness? There are many reasons, but key among them is the understanding that each individual we serve is worth everything we can do and so very much more. As Mother Theresa said, “I serve not because an individual is in need, but because they are holy.” It is my belief that our clients – those suffering – reach out for help for many reasons including these two primary ones: 1) They are feeling an intense and utter desperation that has brought them to their knees, and 2) Because deep down inside, beyond all self -doubt and self- contempt, and well beyond their negative and false perceptions of self- they too have a small sliver of a glimpse of their worth – that maybe they also are worth the efforts of themselves and others to make change, transcend illness, and receive the blessing of healing. That little sliver – that glimpse- is a small seed that can grow. GAs individuals begin to take steps towards recovery, they find reasons to recover, and any reason is to be honored and remembered to strengthen the resolve towards recovery. Desperation, fear, love for others, passion, life’s purpose, deep desires, and dreams are among common reasons to recover and to live. Eventually, on the pathway to recovery, individuals learn that in addition to all other worthy reasons – the truth that “I also am worth it,” is a powerful force which helps move individuals towards better choices, more self- care, and hard work towards recovery. Gaining a sense, an understanding, and even a sure knowledge of one’s self worth is a process which is very gradual. As we are patient and consistently taking steps over time, it helps us not only to attain recovery, but also to maintain and retain it in the long haul. It wards against relapse, and protects and solidifies recovery in our lives. The word recovery means “to bring back that which was lost.” In that sense, when we are in recovery, we bring back our lost perceptions, perspectives, thoughts, feelings, relationships, and sense of self – both who we are, and who we can be. Similarly, when we recover our true sense of self and self- worth, We also recover that which was lost. I sincerely believe that each of us once, at an age very young, had some understanding of our worth. This can be seen in a young child racing around the house naked, escaping his or her parents for a few moments after a bath, or in the unguarded words of a child, who says simply everything she feels to say, without hesitation. These are examples of the state of a child before they begin to lose sense of self, and sense of goodness. This is before we receive false messages from those around us which teach us that we are deficient, broken, not good enough, and not enough. Luckily, while there are many losses in life, the “loss of a sense of self and worth” is one of those which can be recovered. The following are a few ideas and places to start in building again, a lofty, truthful, and positive sense of identity, and knowledge of one’s individual worth:
Friends – Improving self- worth, self- esteem, self- image, body image, sense of self, sense of identity, self- understanding, and self- love – are lofty goals, but goals which are within the reach of us all. These states of true understanding come over time, as the result of processes of being willing to see, doing the hard work of treating oneself well, giving what we have to give to others, and receiving the love and support others have for us as well. Let us all press forward on this pathway to being, knowing, and becoming – never to stop! Michael E. Berrett, PhD Psychologist, CEO, Co-founder Center for Change, Orem, Utah About Dr. Michael E. Berrett,, PhD. Dr. Berrett is CEO, Executive Director, and Co-founder of Center for Change. He has more than 30 years experience working with those suffering from eating disorders. He is co-author of several books and book chapters including the APA book “Spiritual Approaches in the Treatment of Women with Eating Disorders”, and “Spiritual Renewal: A Journey of Faith and Healing”. He has also co-authored articles in peer review professional clinical journals. He is a nationally recognized presenter and clinical trainer, and has presented at many national conferences including NEDA, IAEDP, RENFREW, BEDA, IECA, NATSAP, BFI SUMMIT, and others. For more information, contact Center For Change at 888-224-8250 or visit www.centerforchange.com © Copyright 2012 by Woodbury Reports, Inc. |