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Posted
September 15, 2003
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LIFE IS A MOVING TARGET
By Lon Woodbury
Every successful emotional growth school or program
has one element of its curriculum that is devoted to
helping the students "slow down." There are
a variety of techniques for helping students do this,
including Vision Quests, Solos, Dirt Lists, and Work
Details, to name a few. The common element of these
and other techniques is helping students to stop their
frenzied activity so they can hear and process their
own thoughts and feelings, and learn how to get them
under control.
This prospect of spending time alone is not easy for
most humans, and never has been. The pressure of daily
living is with us all. The popular song of the 1960s
that said "Stop the world, I want to get off" was
expressing a very common need to slow down for a while
in order to collect oneself. It resonated with many
people because "modern society" has always
been extremely demanding, and we all recognize the
need for "down time."
Every philosophy and religion throughout history has
emphasized time for reflection, prayer or meditation.
The Ten Commandments of the Old Testament, for example,
required that the seventh day be used for rest, which
encouraged using that time for reflection. Public ceremonies,
whether or not they are religiously oriented, frequently
feature a “moment of quiet,” to pay one’s respect.
Philosophers have always emphasized the need to “know
thyself.”
At work, every employee expects a weekend off and
paid vacation time, to allow "down time," or
at least a change of pace from the pressures of making
a living. Giving a child a "Time Out" is
one of the most popular discipline measures recommended
by childcare professionals, primarily to encourage
children to think about their misdeeds. Many therapeutic
techniques intervene with some kind of quiet time.
Sometimes it involves spending some time alone writing
a list of negative behaviors or beliefs, or listening
to inspiring music. There are numerous other approaches
as well.
The reason this kind of activity is recommended is
very clear, from a variety of perspectives. The essential
point is that for healthy living, people need some "quiet
time" to be alone so they can experience and examine
their thoughts and feelings.
This is easier said than done. In our fast moving
daily lives, it is hard to create time for quiet reflection
of any kind. This is further complicated by that fact
that relatively few of us naturally feel comfortable
with our own company. It is always easier to do something
than to just "be" with our own thoughts and
feelings.
Part of the reason students are enrolled in emotional
growth or therapeutic boarding schools or programs
is that their feelings and thoughts are spinning so
out of control, they are scared. As a result they desperately
throw themselves into risky activities and gravitate
towards exciting friends to avoid these scary feelings.
The adrenalin rush of high-risk activities, or the
high they get from drugs gives them a brief reprieve
from the frightening prospect of spending time alone,
experiencing the intimidating thoughts and feelings
that create their internal landscape. For them, their
lives are a moving target, spinning and whirling out
of control, and they have no idea how to successfully
take aim.
It is for this reason that in order to be successful,
a school or program for out-of-control children must
pay special attention to helping the students learn
how to slow down, and experience those scary thoughts
and feelings so they can learn how to control them.
One of the most important ways to do this is to arrange
some quiet time in the school or program's structure,
so the students can learn how to face their feelings
and make peace with them. It is only by providing its
students time to become aware of their inner dialogue
that a school can then motivate its students to participate
in healing activities that can help them deal with
their disruptive internal messages. If schools and
programs just focus on activity, ignoring their students’
human need to quiet themselves to hear their inner
voice, then they will only have partially achieved
their goals. |
